I'm
going to yell at parents now. While youth have agency, and will
ultimately decide what they do, a large part of the responsibility of
how youth turn out is placed on the parents. It seems that some
parents don't want to be uncool by parenting their kids. Dr. Michael
Platt describes it this way:
“Imagine
yourself young again, unsure of yourself, swayed by strong passions,
by turns ashamed and proud, sometimes shy, sometimes assertive,
always awkward, filled with new desires and hard on yourself for
having them, drawn toward cliques, tempted by clique cruelty, by
affectation, by enslaving pleasures, and by premature bonds, but
fighting on, knowing that you want to become something better,
someone capable of good work, deserving your own respect, and maybe
one day becoming a good parent -- imagine such struggling youths
hearing their own parents say, "Relax, take it easy, enjoy
yourself, adulthood will happen, don't sweat, this is the time of
your life." (Home-School.com)
He
goes on to explain that this is how a lot of youth are “orphaned”
by their parents while growing up. This doesn't mean the parents put
them up for adoption, or didn't love them, or acted like they didn't
exist. It means the kids didn't have parents who parented.
A lot of parents say they want to be friends with their kids. Now,
it's great to have fun with them, make jokes, and enjoy hanging out
with each other, but if the parents don't lay down rules and enforce
them, who will?
I
regularly babysit for a family who will remain nameless. I can tell
they are mostly focused on being friendly with their children, and
there is not a lot of discipline going on. This makes it difficult
for me, the babysitter, because the kids are used to manipulating and
getting everything their way, and not used to following rules or
having any consequences. It's not so terrible right now, but if they
continue to be so free and not have rules, it's going to be harder to
tame them when they get a little bit older. Be friendly with your
children, but not just a friend.
Also,
parents need to be brave enough to teach right and wrong. If the
parents don't teach their children the proper morals, who will? They
send their teen off into the world where they can and will be
influenced by anything. If they don't have a strong foundation and
core beliefs, they will be swayed so easily. And what if they come
home upset and confused, and tell their mom, “I had such a hard day
at school,” and instead of saying, “Oh, I'm so sorry! Come talk
to me about it,” she says “Suck it up. Life is hard. Don't be a
baby.” Is that how we're going to get productive young adults?
The
Founding Fathers were amazing examples of strong
morals. They were spiritual men with righteous standards. They
believed the country should be run that way. Johns Adams put it,
“Our
Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is
wholly inadequate to the government of any other”
(brainyquote.com).
It
is the responsibility of the parents to teach their children while
they are young, and to not just be a friend. Be a parent. If you're
not teaching, your teen will end up learning from somebody else.
Would you want some strange kid or the internet or a movie to tell
your child what is right and wrong? Neither would I! YOU be the one
to do it. Make some rules and stick to them. Limit the time they
spend in front of screens and around friends. Talk to them about
their friends so you can be sure they have the same standards. Make
sure they take time to spend time with you and with their siblings.
George Washington said, “All
I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the
moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her”
(brainyquote.com).
- Parents: are you focusing on being a parent or a friend?
Coming
up...What rules are good for kids?
Sources:
Platt,
Dr. Michael. "Myth of the Teenager." Homeschool World.
Practical Homeschooling #2, 1 Jan. 1993. Web. 23 Apr. 2015.
<http://www.home-school.com/Articles/myth-of-the-teenager.php>.
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