If
you would like to know what rules will make an impact on your kids,
Randal A. Wright has interesting statistics in his book 25
Mistakes LDS Parents Make and How to Avoid Them. These
figures are from a study he conducted in 2001. Based on his
research, the first thing I would suggest is to have the mom stay
home if it is possible. In homes where mothers work full time, 74%
of teens were willing to have premarital sex. In homes where the
mother works part time, the number went down to 57%. In homes where
the mother does not work, only 44% of respondents were willing (23).
The
next thing I think is very important is to have rules about what kind
of movies your kids can watch. Wright discovered that some parents
rarely set media rules for their kids and teens. Of teens with 0
media rules, 71% of them were willing to have premarital sex, 52%
were willing with 1 rule, and of teens with just three rules, only
33%. (153). Also, during a two year period of movie watching, 93% of
teens who watched 50 or more R rated movies were willing to have
premarital sex. 65% of teens who watched 16-29 R rated movies were
willing, and of teens who had seen 0-4 R rated movies, just 20% were
(95).
Tell
your kids you love them. I was surprised how many respondents in
Wright's survey said their fathers and mothers never verbally told
their kids they love them. 27% of fathers and 9% of mothers never
tell their children that they love them. Only 29% of fathers and 56%
of mothers verbally tell their children that they love them daily
(109).
Wright
studied church attendance. 80% of teens who never went to church
were comfortable with having premarital sex. Teens who went one or
two times a month were 62% willing, and teens who went once a week
were 37% (176).
The
next thing I suggest is to talk with your kids about sex and
chastity. For some reason parents don't often teach their children
about sex and chastity. Wright discovered that 49% of the time,
children hear it from peers first. 21% of the time it's from movies.
And only 20% of the time is from parents (187). Some parents think
it's embarrassing, but what's more embarrassing? Teaching your
children about sexual relations, or finding out they had that
conversation with their friend you hardly know? And what's worse is
that 82% of children who hear it first from a movie or TV are willing
to have premarital sex. When parents tell them first, only 37% of
teens are willing (187).
Set
rules about dating. It's very simple in our home: children don't
date until sixteen. 91% of youth who start dating at age 12 were
having sexual relations before high school graduation. 91 percent!
Of children who started dating at age 16, only 20% were involved in
sexual relations at the time of graduating high school (Wright 207).
Establish dating rules in your family, and stick to them. Of teens
with no dating rules, 75% were willing to have premarital sex. If
you just have five rules, that number goes down to 33% (210).
Talk
with your kids. Most parents don't have open communication with
their teenager. Just 16% of fathers and 40% of mothers always have
open communication with their children (Wright 212). If they can't
come to you with their problems and questions, they're going to go to
someone else. And that someone else probably doesn't have the best
ideas for them that you as a parent have.
Now,
I know this might seem a little cheeky having me, a young adult,
bossing adults on the proper way to raise children. But think of it
this way: my generation and my peers will soon be parents. How is it
going to be having teens raising children? Maybe this is a teaching
moment for all future parents. Imagine if all teenagers were to
study the Founding Fathers, learn and practice Covey's habits and
Andrews' decisions, be taught rules from their parents and be held
accountable to them, and have high morals. Instead of people talking
about how horrible it is to have a teenager who disrespects their
parents, sleeps around, and is failing high school, people would talk
about how much they love their productive young adults because they
care for their family, live high moral standards, and are actively
involved in bettering themselves and those around them. It sounds
unbelievable. But I believe it's possible. And I believe it starts
with teenagers gaining an education about our Founding Fathers and
then learning and following the habits of effective teens and the
decisions for success. I may be just seem like a teenager, but
really, I'm a productive young adult. It's not too late for you to
be one.
Sources:
Wright,
Randal A. 25 Mistakes LDS
Parents Make and and How to Avoid Them.
Austin: National Family Institute, 2006. Print.
